When you choose to walk a different path to the one you existed for decades as a young naïve adult living from exploring adulthood to having endless responsibilities enduring the matrix of life, the transformation you experience is one beyond previous perceptions and understanding.
The road from indoctrination to spirituality, from ignorance to ever acquiring wisdom, from unconsciousness to consciousness, is not subtle, nor is it predictable because each person’s journey is unique to their own story and their dharma, (purpose).
As a child I was quiet and withdrawn – very much an introvert. Having conservative Mediterranean and Mexican parents laden with their own ancestral entanglements and conditioning contributed to my ‘be seen not heard’ ever obedient childhood. Spending countless hours staring out of windows, I dreamt of what my adult life would be and lived in my head filled with happily-ever-after work and love scenarios. I lost myself in that matrix of perceived happiness and fulfillment to escape the intense pain from physical, mental and emotional abuse both witnessed and personally endured.
The unfulfilled career life and countless broken heart scenarios of deceit, feeling unappreciated, used and not heard, added to my confusion and sadness as to why my life had not turned out the way I envisaged? Deep within me there was always a longing and a calling to connect to something far more profound and everlasting. My yearning for love beyond all else grew stronger with each life hurdle. The relationship with real love started with Yoga…from the very first class. It wasn’t just the postures, it was deeper…the vibrational feeling and shift was something completely different to anything I had ever experienced and I knew I needed to purse the Yoga path further.
Little did I know how the journey over the years would change my life, externally and most importantly, internally. It converted my decision of turning my back on Source / Spirit / God to returning to the Divine in a completely authentic way. I left religion years before and with my practice, I found spirituality. I was never truly connected to Spirit in religion…I was always filled with fear and guilt, with spirituality, I found my heart and found my way back to myself and to Source.
Each step, each healing modality entwined with Yoga, that draws me deeper into myself peels off another layer of separateness and fear and draws me closer to Union, (Yoga), and Love.
It sounds like a smooth ride into conscious living and learning to be true to oneself but I won’t lie, it is not an easy road at all. The choice to move beyond the matrix into finding yourself and leading with your heart song has many challenging stepping stones along the way. The matrix – the Ego – fights ever harder to hold onto old ways because that is all it knows. The Ego is not really your enemy. Its job is to protect you and keep you in survival mode, that is what it knows but it doesn’t understand that by doing that it keeps you in fear and holds you back from living your truth…It is afraid of your truth. The more you endeavour on your path back to the heart, the more the conditioned thoughts, beliefs, attitudes held in your mind for decades will fight to hold on. Allow yourself to observe them with compassion, not fear them, because love is real, fear is not. The more you return to that knowing, the easier it will be to continue on the path, no matter what the mind matrix throws at you, then the conscious path will continue to unfold with profound connection and understanding.
The following quote by Mooji sums it up beautifully when one feels overwhelm on the journey:
“Sometimes consciousness devises an obstacle in order to have the experience of transcending it. They are the stepping stones that we sometimes need to move forward in life. These trials and difficulties are grace in disguise. So let’s be grateful for those difficult moments or situations we had to deal with, or are currently facing, for only through them, we go beyond our imaginary limits.”
There are many ways / paths to your truth. Live the one, or those, that contribute to your authentic growth and transformation of living from the mind to the heart. Stay connected to love as you transition on the ever learning path and with each step you will look back and see that, now, you truly live, because before, as the “old’ you, you merely existed.
1 thought on “From existing to living”
👍👍👍spiritually insightful and interesting post